I watched as much of the iPhone/Samsung video as I could. I think you have potential. need to work on your dialog. I have some trouble with that as well. don't try to do it all in one take, if you say a point, and it doesn't feel right or doesn't seem like it was delivered well or you stumbled over something you were trying to say. just pause and say it again, try saying it different ways. when you go to edit just pick out what you like the best and cut the bad takes out. once you start getting the feeling for editing it you don't worry about it as much.
iv found studying my watch time analytics to be very helpful in improving my video's it only takes a few seconds of dead time where your not showing something new or introducing new information for viewers to start loosing interest.
