I'm trying experimenting new type of videos like this.. i know i have to add voice in some part to improve the video.. other improvement i can do? (especially with editing or other things)

Hmm maybe dont add the thumbnail between your choices also maybe choose music a bit better no offence to your music taste lol and finally during the youtubers video part make sure you can actually here what they are saying oh and this isnt a improvement but dont use more lots of their gameplay and give the channel names in the description