trying to improve my commentary, videos in general, and grow my channel (any tips are welcome)

I've been around and taken a little time off here and there, I've decided to push for a strong dedicated try to you-tube and I decided to start with a game I really enjoyed in the past and one to help my significant other get into the game.

I feel like I babble a lot and my pacing may be off
my thumbnails need work but im not sure where to start to get more out there and to improve my videos.
any tips are welcome and very appreciated. Thank you all

Also the video ends abruptly, going for more of the Jesse cox style where its a broken up long play that's mass recorded and cut up into parts in post with out stopping in between, but I need to figure out my timing more cause it feels just slashed when it goes to the annotation screen :(

You have funny moments, but your edits are too long, cut even more crap than you think is necessary.
Also, I don't think many people want to see a playthrough of skyrim again, that horse has been beaten into the mantle by now.