It's decent for an intro video actually! But If I had some suggestions to make it even better this is what i think you could do if you wanted.
- Make it between 1-1:30min long (for an intro video you want to let people now what you do without losing their attention)
- Try adding more clips of you with your commentary like you did towards the end of the video (which helps with grabbing attention)
- I dunno if it's my computer, it's probably my computer, but the music was a little too loud when you did put in the commentary clips. If that's not the case, then ignore me lol.
But that's it from me. All in all, shorter video with more commentary clips and making the music a little softer! Hope that helps you a little bit!