So just a bit of advice is to probably up the audio quality just a bit, to be louder/more clear. You had like 3-4 cuts in the first 20 secs if I'm not wrong? A bit too many random cuts too early for a 20 minute video. If you want to cut it just say "We're going to head here" then cut it once and continue on. Commentary is something that comes in time though and you'll get better as you keep making videos. Thumbnails can use work, looks a bit dull and unrefined. Try using GIMP which is free, you'll need to learn it though it isn't that hard but yeah keep going and good luck man.