Lilikoi Juice
I do all my own graphics!
I'm not sure if I'm just being harsh on myself but I feel like my videos are boring... I put them up thinking, "All right, another video done!" When I finish it, I feel really good. I'm rocking a song in my head and dancing around excited. But then... when the view counts go 'kersplat', I start telling myself, "Lili, your videos are complete s**t! This is boring crap no one wants to listen to or watch...!"
I know, I know... the gaming niche is a saturated place on Youtube... It takes time to get noticed and grow a legitimate channel... That being said, there are tons of things I have been working to improve on--quite intently too, if I don't mind saying myself. I go on forums to read tips, visit other gaming channels for spy research, do my social media/collab stuff, tags search, and heck I involve psychological analysis into my damn thumbnails... That's a lot of effort on my part! And still yet, I can't help but blame myself, somehow, for the lack of attention my channel receives.
Tharrr, I'm being too harsh. I know it... but pessimistic Lili comes on by to say, "Nope it's all you, no one likes you." Oh, then lately my subs counts have been freezing again, so pessimistic Lili get all up on that too. It's like the dumbest thing... I'm battling my own self--over how well I'm doing on Youtube. Yes--I take pride in my Youtube because it's an extension of myself and my work, but it's not just that which makes me upset when it doesn't bloom. It's something... something else, I can't quite point out... What is it!?
Blah, it's pessimist Lili, talking right now. It must be. Because I don't truly think like this of myself, or of my work. I know it needs work, but I'm still learning; I'm a small channel and there is so much to learn. So much I can do better. I'm already doing a lot. Kudos to me. Yes.
I can't keep feeling like a pancake every time things aren't rising up for my channel. It'll be like cutting myself until the U.S. deficit goes down--pointless is what I'm trying to say. It's silly to get like this over a video. I just can't help it though. Youtube feels like buying a share of pink stock sometimes. I'm being led into the abyss with only faith, motivation, and some luck... The uncertainty is so baffling...
Is this what having a Youtube channel is supposed to feel like? Is this a normal thing? I mean, like... I don't even know what to say now... Words are flowing, but they're just being produced with no clear reason... I'm going blank now.
Maybe I need to sleep? Ok... I'm going to sleep.
Don't feel obliged but if you want to let me know about what you think, um, tell me... My channel, frozen subs, low views, why, why... No, Lili stop. It's not you. Remember?... It's just how it is on Youtube... It takes a... Oh, great. I'm conversing with myself by myself on a forum... Errr, I need pills. Yes, that's what I need, sleeping pills. In the morning, things will be all better. I think... derp?
I know, I know... the gaming niche is a saturated place on Youtube... It takes time to get noticed and grow a legitimate channel... That being said, there are tons of things I have been working to improve on--quite intently too, if I don't mind saying myself. I go on forums to read tips, visit other gaming channels for spy research, do my social media/collab stuff, tags search, and heck I involve psychological analysis into my damn thumbnails... That's a lot of effort on my part! And still yet, I can't help but blame myself, somehow, for the lack of attention my channel receives.
Tharrr, I'm being too harsh. I know it... but pessimistic Lili comes on by to say, "Nope it's all you, no one likes you." Oh, then lately my subs counts have been freezing again, so pessimistic Lili get all up on that too. It's like the dumbest thing... I'm battling my own self--over how well I'm doing on Youtube. Yes--I take pride in my Youtube because it's an extension of myself and my work, but it's not just that which makes me upset when it doesn't bloom. It's something... something else, I can't quite point out... What is it!?
Blah, it's pessimist Lili, talking right now. It must be. Because I don't truly think like this of myself, or of my work. I know it needs work, but I'm still learning; I'm a small channel and there is so much to learn. So much I can do better. I'm already doing a lot. Kudos to me. Yes.
I can't keep feeling like a pancake every time things aren't rising up for my channel. It'll be like cutting myself until the U.S. deficit goes down--pointless is what I'm trying to say. It's silly to get like this over a video. I just can't help it though. Youtube feels like buying a share of pink stock sometimes. I'm being led into the abyss with only faith, motivation, and some luck... The uncertainty is so baffling...
Is this what having a Youtube channel is supposed to feel like? Is this a normal thing? I mean, like... I don't even know what to say now... Words are flowing, but they're just being produced with no clear reason... I'm going blank now.
Maybe I need to sleep? Ok... I'm going to sleep.
Don't feel obliged but if you want to let me know about what you think, um, tell me... My channel, frozen subs, low views, why, why... No, Lili stop. It's not you. Remember?... It's just how it is on Youtube... It takes a... Oh, great. I'm conversing with myself by myself on a forum... Errr, I need pills. Yes, that's what I need, sleeping pills. In the morning, things will be all better. I think... derp?
I think that pessimistic feeling that comes afterwards is just the worried part of me. I am scared of failure.