First thing I noticed, I don't know if this is something you've purposely done, but when listening in on headphones your voice is only in mono (one side). It might be just a pet peeve, but it bugs me.
Occasionally the music seems to peak above your narration, which is a bit distracting.
Your audio seems a little off, but that might just be the mono thing.
Other than these things, your video seems well edited, well written and has good pacing. Your thumbnail is honestly really good as well. Overall, you've done a great job, if you fix the couple audio issues, you're next video could be truly wonderful!