Be Brutal: Is my storytelling boring or actually engaging? (Dark History)

[thelumilith]

Hi everyone,

Following up on my intro post! I've just released a new documentary about the Nugan Hand Bank scandal (The CIA's fake bank).

I've put a lot of hours into the editing and script, but I need objective eyes on it. I'm too close to the project to see the flaws.

I'm specifically looking for feedback on:

1. The Hook: Does the first 60 seconds grab your attention, or is it too slow?
2. Audio Mixing: Is the voiceover clear enough against the background music?
3. Pacing: Did you feel bored at any specific timestamp?

Please be brutal. I want to improve, so don't hold back.

Here is the video:

Thanks in advance for your time!

 

[dantubes]

You’re right about being too close to it, that’s usually where objectivity disappears.


The first minute isn’t about explaining the story, it’s about creating an open loop. Viewers don’t need clarity yet, they need a reason to stay. If the stakes and unanswered questions aren’t obvious immediately, retention softens before the documentary even gets a chance.


On pacing, the biggest silent killer is when the narrative continues but the rate of new information drops. Editors feel like it’s flowing; viewers feel like they’ve “got it” and start skipping. That’s where the algorithm flags loss of momentum.


With audio, clarity is less about loudness and more about cognitive load music competing with exposition subtly pushes people out, even if they don’t consciously notice it.


I work in media strategy and retention analysis, if you want blunt, timestamped notes from that angle, I’m happy to give them.

 

[thelumilith]

Hi dantubes,

This is incredibly valuable insight. Honestly, reading your point about "cognitive load" regarding the audio mixing was a huge "aha!" moment for me. I hadn't considered that fighting against the background music would fatigue the viewer, but it makes perfect sense.

I would absolutely love the blunt, timestamped notes. Please don't hold back—that specific level of detail (knowing exactly where the momentum drops) is exactly what I need to fix the leaks in my retention.

Thank you so much for offering your time and expertise. Standing by for the feedback!

You’re right about being too close to it, that’s usually where objectivity disappears.


The first minute isn’t about explaining the story, it’s about creating an open loop. Viewers don’t need clarity yet, they need a reason to stay. If the stakes and unanswered questions aren’t obvious immediately, retention softens before the documentary even gets a chance.


On pacing, the biggest silent killer is when the narrative continues but the rate of new information drops. Editors feel like it’s flowing; viewers feel like they’ve “got it” and start skipping. That’s where the algorithm flags loss of momentum.


With audio, clarity is less about loudness and more about cognitive load music competing with exposition subtly pushes people out, even if they don’t consciously notice it.


I work in media strategy and retention analysis, if you want blunt, timestamped notes from that angle, I’m happy to give them.

 

[dantubes]

Hi dantubes,

This is incredibly valuable insight. Honestly, reading your point about "cognitive load" regarding the audio mixing was a huge "aha!" moment for me. I hadn't considered that fighting against the background music would fatigue the viewer, but it makes perfect sense.

I would absolutely love the blunt, timestamped notes. Please don't hold back—that specific level of detail (knowing exactly where the momentum drops) is exactly what I need to fix the leaks in my retention.

Thank you so much for offering your time and expertise. Standing by for the feedback!

for flexible and mutual conversation can we both connect on whatsaap would love to share more ideas with you tho