Hey - I was too busy fighting off ninjas to get to my computer.
The obvious problems are the sound distortions. The positive side is that there's a noticeable change in the amount of distortions there are - less air being blown into the microphone. The bad, it sounds like your hitting your microphone near the end of the video.
A post-production edit could help in editing out the distortions. The only problem is that it'll skew with the one-take commentary. But a good edit can easily streamline the new audio with the old - making an illusion that the commentary is a one-take. Otherwise doing a second-take of the entire commentary is the other, longer, option; yet still prone to the same problems.
The content itself was informative and true. I've seen the same (strategy) done by commentators who I usually watch on YouTube. I don't really see a problem the actual commentary. There are hiccups with the stumbling of words but I do not find these to be a fault. It only shows that you are human. Although if you have a problem with that then a post-production edit would be a good option. More work, though.
The video itself is a good idea.