Elite Force
I've Got It
I'm curious to see what all of your work looks like right before it becomes a video. So here is mine, right here. Lol enjoy.
Star Wars: Racer Revenge Review
["Now this is podracing" scene]
There was once a time when I was younger than I legitimately enjoyed the Star Wars prequels, but that love fell over time. I remember being in this weird middle area where I was in denial about how s****y they were, but having watched them all fairly recently, man oh man did I really push these feelings of nostalgia unhealthily. The movies themselves aren't completely terrible or anything, they're still enjoyable, and I'm glad they existed rather than not exist... In fact, I think John Williams best music was in Phantom, and the artistic direction was most intriguing to me doing the same movie... but still. We have a habit of making the things we enjoyed at one point a continued admiration, when in reality, we probably changed what we liked about anything we enjoy. After all, who enjoys and thinks the same way they did when they were 11?
The same can be said for a lot of Lucasarts games, my god, they're mostly awful. If they weren't attached to the Star Wars universe they'd be buried and forgotten. So in the midst of my revisiting the movies I once loved but now embarassingly and passively dismiss as welcome attempts, I find my brother installing an old PS2 classic on his PS4. It was in this moment, nay, it was destiny, that I talk about the game and resurface some old feelings. I only had two hours before work to record the footage I needed, and I was going to record it over a few days. But I finished it all before I went to work that day.
Star Wars: Racer Revenge... It has apparently been eight years since Sebulba lost the race to Anakin in the Phantom Menace. He retreated into exile after suffering a defeat to the young Jake Lloyd, and disappeared into deep space or something. The next paragraph opens by claiming that podracing is bigger and badder and waaaaaay more extreme then before. It is unclear why it suddenly gained popularity, but then it claims that Sebulba has emerged after eight years of exile with a bigger and badder podracer to take on Anakin Skywalker, who is now Hayden Christianson, Jedi in training.
[Revenge montage]
I'm not sure why he came back to podracing, but here he is, 100% pubescent and unshackled. I kept wanting Obi-Wan to get a podracer just because f**k it, it would be more enjoyable to listen to Ewan McGreggor. A sarcastic ******* Obi-Wan would have been so enjoyable in this game, much like the Phantom Menace PS1's Qui-Gon Jinn. Either way, after all of this action, we're only given this concept for narrative and perspective.
After all of this, it's time to begin tournament mode. We just wanted to release a podracing game, and you know what, I'm a fun guy so just show me what you've got Lucasarts. I'm going to be selecting Anakin Skywalker just to keep things simple, he seems the most well balanced at the beginning, which will give me time to really look into what I care about most. Since this games canon has Anakin podracing again, I've decided to adapt his irrational and emotional character state from Attack of the Clones. Anakin isn't just racing. He's running a shady deal with Watto to literally destroy every Podracer on the track. Jedi's gotta earn some money here.
I'm supposed to crawl through three circuits to complete the game with a grand total of 13 different courses across 4 or 5 planets. I'm just gonna see how this first race goes down.
[Watto sends his regards motherfucker scene]
Yep, I tried to kill everybody I could. I needed the money to upgrade my pod, and since Anakin Skywalker doesn't really have any other reason to be spending this money, he's just gonna be upgrading his pod with his best friend Watto. In the second race, I actually did manage to murder all other drivers and proceeded to drive uneventfully over to the finish line. The A.I. is... not very good. I don't really consider myself good at racing games, but I know the AI isn't pushing themselves to the limit, instead letting me stay back and pick them off one by one, slowly adopting the "I'm in last" AI which hovers closely to the back on purpose. I'd feel bad if it wasn't for the fact I was getting paid so much by Watto to carry out these contractual murders. I say this because there is absolutely no way that some of these guys would ever survive these crashes. If children were driving these pods I'd kill them all without hesitation. It's just the name of the game. I haven't seen Sebulba getting revenge yet, wonder what happened to him.
The courses themselves are actually still really fun, while the speed of the game is pretty solid. The pods are pretty detailed, but the textures of everything else is pretty low quality. I wasn't actually racing for most of the game, so juding how hard it was to race these characters is a bit more on the complicated side. I will say that I easily passed everyone when I needed to speed on and win the race.
What the hell? No, Occo Ninebar, you d**k, we're losing the race. God Dammit. You're holding back my true potential you stupid looking piece of Bubblegum f**k! Okay, cool. I got second. But you only need to get third to advance, which is ridiculously easy to do.
I've claimed six heads Watto, I need you to pimp out my ride some more. [hip hop music plays for a second in garage]
You're basically looking at the whole game now, and everytime you get first place passed the beginning circuit, you unlock a brand new racer. I got some concept art, but we'll go look at that later. For now, we just have to power through this mid-tier section and we'll be on our way to our ultimate rival... Sebulba.
[Revenge plays again]
Watto, man, I can't keep doing this anymore. I've gotta go clean. I have to actually race against Sebulba, not murder him. Mono y mono. The titans clash for an epic showdown. Oh. Or he'll finish nearly last every race. The water on this track is behaving very strangely and it's throwing me off a little bit.
When I'm actually just racing, sometimes it achieves its desired effect of being insanely chaotic and that's great. But sometimes... well sometimes Sebulba just can't even hope to get his revenge. The final map was the absolute easiest one for me, and I finished so far ahead of everyone. The story is concluded with this scene with Jabba the Hutt.
Yup. It's over now. You've experienced much of the game's more different moments. The only thing left is beating the other racers in the same campaign and the same cutscene to upgrade vehicles, and unlock the hidden racers by beating all records on every race. These hidden racers included Jake Lloyd Phantom Menace Anakin, Darth Maul, Watto, and after getting all of these guys, you unlock Darth Vader. Unlockables are always fun, and these hidden characters are the thing keeping the game alive... but I finished all races in an hour and a half. There's no real reason to play through the same campaign over a dozen times, and the hidden characters, although powered to the max and fun to play, lose their charm shortly after acqusition.
And that's essentially all there is left to do in this game. The stories all end the same, and Sebulba will never get his revenge. After placing 7th, he'll go into exile for eight more years or something and adopt a dog. The end. The game still actually kinda holds up, despite the usual shaky ground Lucasarts is known for. The tracks, while kinda empty, have enough pathways to remain fun and not become totally brainless. The worst thing I can say about the game is that it's sometimes oddly silent for long peroids of time when your racer is isolated from everyone else. It's still fun, and it's given me hope that maybe the other games Lucasarts made aren't completely terrible. We'll take a look at that some other time. For now... it's time that I got my revenge on Anakin Skywalker. See you all next time!
[Cut to someones dragging me away and a disturbing monologue doing a Watto impression]
Star Wars: Racer Revenge Review
["Now this is podracing" scene]
There was once a time when I was younger than I legitimately enjoyed the Star Wars prequels, but that love fell over time. I remember being in this weird middle area where I was in denial about how s****y they were, but having watched them all fairly recently, man oh man did I really push these feelings of nostalgia unhealthily. The movies themselves aren't completely terrible or anything, they're still enjoyable, and I'm glad they existed rather than not exist... In fact, I think John Williams best music was in Phantom, and the artistic direction was most intriguing to me doing the same movie... but still. We have a habit of making the things we enjoyed at one point a continued admiration, when in reality, we probably changed what we liked about anything we enjoy. After all, who enjoys and thinks the same way they did when they were 11?
The same can be said for a lot of Lucasarts games, my god, they're mostly awful. If they weren't attached to the Star Wars universe they'd be buried and forgotten. So in the midst of my revisiting the movies I once loved but now embarassingly and passively dismiss as welcome attempts, I find my brother installing an old PS2 classic on his PS4. It was in this moment, nay, it was destiny, that I talk about the game and resurface some old feelings. I only had two hours before work to record the footage I needed, and I was going to record it over a few days. But I finished it all before I went to work that day.
Star Wars: Racer Revenge... It has apparently been eight years since Sebulba lost the race to Anakin in the Phantom Menace. He retreated into exile after suffering a defeat to the young Jake Lloyd, and disappeared into deep space or something. The next paragraph opens by claiming that podracing is bigger and badder and waaaaaay more extreme then before. It is unclear why it suddenly gained popularity, but then it claims that Sebulba has emerged after eight years of exile with a bigger and badder podracer to take on Anakin Skywalker, who is now Hayden Christianson, Jedi in training.
[Revenge montage]
I'm not sure why he came back to podracing, but here he is, 100% pubescent and unshackled. I kept wanting Obi-Wan to get a podracer just because f**k it, it would be more enjoyable to listen to Ewan McGreggor. A sarcastic ******* Obi-Wan would have been so enjoyable in this game, much like the Phantom Menace PS1's Qui-Gon Jinn. Either way, after all of this action, we're only given this concept for narrative and perspective.
After all of this, it's time to begin tournament mode. We just wanted to release a podracing game, and you know what, I'm a fun guy so just show me what you've got Lucasarts. I'm going to be selecting Anakin Skywalker just to keep things simple, he seems the most well balanced at the beginning, which will give me time to really look into what I care about most. Since this games canon has Anakin podracing again, I've decided to adapt his irrational and emotional character state from Attack of the Clones. Anakin isn't just racing. He's running a shady deal with Watto to literally destroy every Podracer on the track. Jedi's gotta earn some money here.
I'm supposed to crawl through three circuits to complete the game with a grand total of 13 different courses across 4 or 5 planets. I'm just gonna see how this first race goes down.
[Watto sends his regards motherfucker scene]
Yep, I tried to kill everybody I could. I needed the money to upgrade my pod, and since Anakin Skywalker doesn't really have any other reason to be spending this money, he's just gonna be upgrading his pod with his best friend Watto. In the second race, I actually did manage to murder all other drivers and proceeded to drive uneventfully over to the finish line. The A.I. is... not very good. I don't really consider myself good at racing games, but I know the AI isn't pushing themselves to the limit, instead letting me stay back and pick them off one by one, slowly adopting the "I'm in last" AI which hovers closely to the back on purpose. I'd feel bad if it wasn't for the fact I was getting paid so much by Watto to carry out these contractual murders. I say this because there is absolutely no way that some of these guys would ever survive these crashes. If children were driving these pods I'd kill them all without hesitation. It's just the name of the game. I haven't seen Sebulba getting revenge yet, wonder what happened to him.
The courses themselves are actually still really fun, while the speed of the game is pretty solid. The pods are pretty detailed, but the textures of everything else is pretty low quality. I wasn't actually racing for most of the game, so juding how hard it was to race these characters is a bit more on the complicated side. I will say that I easily passed everyone when I needed to speed on and win the race.
What the hell? No, Occo Ninebar, you d**k, we're losing the race. God Dammit. You're holding back my true potential you stupid looking piece of Bubblegum f**k! Okay, cool. I got second. But you only need to get third to advance, which is ridiculously easy to do.
I've claimed six heads Watto, I need you to pimp out my ride some more. [hip hop music plays for a second in garage]
You're basically looking at the whole game now, and everytime you get first place passed the beginning circuit, you unlock a brand new racer. I got some concept art, but we'll go look at that later. For now, we just have to power through this mid-tier section and we'll be on our way to our ultimate rival... Sebulba.
[Revenge plays again]
Watto, man, I can't keep doing this anymore. I've gotta go clean. I have to actually race against Sebulba, not murder him. Mono y mono. The titans clash for an epic showdown. Oh. Or he'll finish nearly last every race. The water on this track is behaving very strangely and it's throwing me off a little bit.
When I'm actually just racing, sometimes it achieves its desired effect of being insanely chaotic and that's great. But sometimes... well sometimes Sebulba just can't even hope to get his revenge. The final map was the absolute easiest one for me, and I finished so far ahead of everyone. The story is concluded with this scene with Jabba the Hutt.
Yup. It's over now. You've experienced much of the game's more different moments. The only thing left is beating the other racers in the same campaign and the same cutscene to upgrade vehicles, and unlock the hidden racers by beating all records on every race. These hidden racers included Jake Lloyd Phantom Menace Anakin, Darth Maul, Watto, and after getting all of these guys, you unlock Darth Vader. Unlockables are always fun, and these hidden characters are the thing keeping the game alive... but I finished all races in an hour and a half. There's no real reason to play through the same campaign over a dozen times, and the hidden characters, although powered to the max and fun to play, lose their charm shortly after acqusition.
And that's essentially all there is left to do in this game. The stories all end the same, and Sebulba will never get his revenge. After placing 7th, he'll go into exile for eight more years or something and adopt a dog. The end. The game still actually kinda holds up, despite the usual shaky ground Lucasarts is known for. The tracks, while kinda empty, have enough pathways to remain fun and not become totally brainless. The worst thing I can say about the game is that it's sometimes oddly silent for long peroids of time when your racer is isolated from everyone else. It's still fun, and it's given me hope that maybe the other games Lucasarts made aren't completely terrible. We'll take a look at that some other time. For now... it's time that I got my revenge on Anakin Skywalker. See you all next time!
[Cut to someones dragging me away and a disturbing monologue doing a Watto impression]
