What am I doing wrong?

[BobbyP]

here is my video, other than the start where its slightly out of frame (I tried a new screensize settings) what is wrong with this video, and how can I improve it?

 

[Azwolop]

sharpening your jump cut skills would be good, they're maybe a second out of sync, (like when you went to throw your laptop) if you had cut a few seconds or even a second earlier it would have made it easier to believe you had thrown it, aswell as the small pauses you leave before and after you cut to a new scene, jump cuts are supposed to leave no break, throwing you straight into the action.

Other than that I think your ideas are solid and you're obviously putting effort in.

 

[BobbyP]

sharpening your jump cut skills would be good, they're maybe a second out of sync, (like when you went to throw your laptop) if you had cut a few seconds or even a second earlier it would have made it easier to believe you had thrown it, aswell as the small pauses you leave before and after you cut to a new scene, jump cuts are supposed to leave no break, throwing you straight into the action.

Other than that I think your ideas are solid and you're obviously putting effort in.

Thank you! I will work on my Jump cuts