I'd like the communities' opinion on my latest video.

[Altairsfriend]

We are about to have another recording session and I would like to know what you guys (and gals!) think of this video as a whole. I know I need to work on the audio mix for sure, but what else? How's the editing, pacing, etc? Does the video flow to the end? Perhaps a more defined beginning or ending?
For the commentary I am using Audacity
For Editing i am using Lightworks
Any and all criticize is welcome!

 

[newage]

what? what are you saying? are you whispering in to your mic? Is there another person whispering in the mic with you?

Also "hey everybody" is not an intro. "Hi, I'm (name) and with me is (name) and we're playing (game)". That's an intro.

The parts where you don't talk, boring. Edit those parts out. Put some background music, usually game channels are supposed to be entertaining. Personally I don't care about dark souls II, I've seen hundreds of lets play videos about it, and I'm sure everyone else has too. So what does your channel offer that's unique? Why should I subscribe? Ask yourself that question and really think about it.

Outro is weak, it needs a call to action, previous watched video etc. That helps strengthen a channel in YouTube's eyes and they will favor your channel when it comes time to suggest it to other potential viewers on YouTube.