Can someone give this a read?

[The Gamer Musician]

Okay... so I just finished a new script, and I'm looking forward to making it. This is the intro, which will go right before the intro tile, songy intro bit. Do you reckon that this will be an interesting watch? And do you think this will engage the viewers much?

"Throughout the ages, the use of instruments in gaming can open secrets, change the gameplay, destroy your enemies, or just provide some fun Easter Eggs. So sit down on your piano chairs, grab your drumsticks and tighten the strings of your guitar, because it’s time to start the timeline."

 

[Roamancing]

I enjoyed that. And it has me intrigued as to what is coming next!

 

[The Gamer Musician]

I enjoyed that. And it has me intrigued as to what is coming next!

Thanks! I'll probably start recording soon, when I have some free time!

 

[PressRecord]

Sounds like an interesting mix of stuff! Definitely would like to see more =)

 

[Kristian Bernard]

You have to get your viewers attention in the first 5 seconds. Think If you as somebody else would stay to see what's next... [emoji6]

 

[LeeToTheVI]

I love it it, especially the opener, 'Throughout the ages' because it makes it sound like cave men were playing the Xbox and playstation too lol... [emoji23] I would definitely watch the video man... With an intro like that [emoji108]

 

[Juzey]

Saying "throughout the ages" and then "can open secrets" doesn't seem right to me because it's changing tense halfway through. Maybe something like "has been able to open secrets"?
Apart from that though, it sounds great. Very intriguing.

 

[Riddikore]

I would tweak the end line "because it’s time to start the timeline", not only because you use the word "time" twice, but also because you're opening line "throughout the ages". Maybe you could end with something like "let's travel back in time" or "let's start where it all began"

 

[mercmonster]

I would tweak the end line "because it’s time to start the timeline", not only because you use the word "time" twice, but also because you're opening line "throughout the ages". Maybe you could end with something like "let's travel back in time" or "let's start where it all began"

This is good!

Very good stuff already though, Gamer Musician!

 

[The Gamer Musician]

I would tweak the end line "because it’s time to start the timeline", not only because you use the word "time" twice, but also because you're opening line "throughout the ages". Maybe you could end with something like "let's travel back in time" or "let's start where it all began"

What do you reckon? Does this sound better?

"Throughout the ages, the use of instruments in gaming has been able to open secrets, change the gameplay, destroy your enemies, or just provide some fun Easter Eggs. So sit down on your piano chairs, grab your drumsticks and tighten the strings of your guitar, because I'm we're going to pump this video to 88 miles per hour, and go back in time."

[A reference here and there can't hurt ]