Recovery from Negativity?

Cromartie

Cromartie

Loving YTtalk
I had a heck of a rough month where a lot of my irl anxiety and depression spilled into my channel and online persona (chances are it was amped by my missing therapy last month, thus not having anyone to speak to). It culminated in a lot of ranting, venting, and overall negativity out-poured to my audience. It climaxed with me making two videos titled "Honesty" and "Why I Hate [My Username]".

The former was a rant about how I'm not making the videos that make me happy yet all everyone watches and request are the ones that don't make me happy, which actually got a ton of support and uplifting comments, the latter was me coming out of the closet about my gender identity (MtF) and ranting about the area I live in and why I hate the "Mr." in my username which didn't get quite as much support (although I unlisted the video less than 48 hours after uploading). As of today I've unlisted both of them and have been acting like nothing's ever happened.

But the damage is done. I can't shake this hollow, regretful feeling and I feel pretty lost. In turn engagement on my channel has become the quietest it's ever been. I have a few awesome subs really humbling me with private support but overall I feel like I've lost some folks and should've tried better to hold together and keep life separate from my channel. Guess with everything hitting me in life I felt like YT subs were my only "shoulder" to lean on or something.

I say this because I wonder if anyone's gone through similar and what steps/how long it took to recover. I instinctively began to make an apology video but I figure I'd done enough. I've resumed my usual uploads and I'm waiting and seeing what effect it will eventually have.

I just hit 5K subs and I anticipate tons more mistakes on the way to 10K, but these sure felt like two big ones that I shot myself in the foot with. Heh heh. :happy:
 
You are a human being, with the feelings and needs and wants and difficulties of being a human being. I think people tend to forget this, especially of someone who is entertaining them on a place like YouTube. If you showed some of your depression or difficulty, it can be very difficult for folks to reach out, I think, because it can feel like it's not really a viewer's place to reach out, and if someone is having a bit of a bad time, how can you enjoy the frivolous/funny/silly/entertaining things we show to people.

I think it will improve with time, and you have just had a blip in which people probably don't quite know what to say or do just yet, and are tip-toeing around you a little bit. Sometimes, people just want to make sure you're okay before they start interacting, especially if it's someone they only know from one medium.

I'm glad you're able to express your frustration here, and I hope that you're doing the things to make sure you're dealing with things (like therapy!!! I totally know what it's like when I miss that!!!).
 
Hi there! I'm going to preface this by saying that I am by no means an expert in anything ever, but these are just my thoughts on your post. Hope they help.

First thing, it's not the end of the world. I am certain that every single YouTuber, big or small, has at some point posted some content that the later looked at and was like "Well, s**t. I maybe shouldn't have done that". The thing is, it's done. You took it down, and yes it was up and people saw it, but there's nothing that can be done about that. Ruminating on it and regretting it won't change anything. All you can do is move on (and learn if there's a lesson to be learned, which there almost always is in life).

As for your gender identity reveal, one of the neat things about YouTube (and the internet as a whole, really) is that there is a community out there for EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. You just have to find it. Sure, things like that can cost you a handful of subs (there's always going to be people who don't like it and bail immediately), but again not the end of the world. IDK if you watch Boogie2988 at all, but over the years he's uploaded several videos where things got kinda real and a bunch of his subs bailed. His attitude has always been "F*ck em", you know? You shouldn't have to pretend to be something you're not just to make strangers on the internet happy. The reason all of my favorite YTers (and most of the really big ones) are so popular and likable is because they are genuine. They are who they are, no regrets, take it or leave it.

I hope some of this helps. Just remember, that no matter what, you're never really alone in the world. There will always be SOMEONE who can relate. :)
 
Great advice here. Like in life, we make mistakes. Yesterday was yesterday.. we need to accept the good and the bad and move on. You are doing great! Keep going
 
Thank you all so much. Every reply really helped me out. Things are settling back down on my channel (in a good way). :)
 
I just wanted to commend you on your bravery, takes balls to have those sorts of insights and put them out for the world to see
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top