Please review the quality of one of my videos

[Jetpi99 Gaming]

Please take a few minutes and review if this video is interesting. Is my commentary good, does it make the video interesting? Do you actually feel like watching the full video or does it quickly get boring?
I noticed in my analytics that I usually don't get more than 30-60% audience retention and I'd love to know how I can improve that.
Thanks for taking the time! If I can help you in return somehow, let me know!

 

[Fbo]

I probally spent 1k hours on youtube watching videos.
I can barely hear you at 12 volume.

-I'd speak a bit more loud or edit it to be louder.

I'm new to the creating videos scene on youtube.

Hope this helps.

 

[Jetpi99 Gaming]

This is definitely helpful, thank you!