My First Short Film C&C please!

[alwinred]

Hello, everyone, this is my first short film, i am a hobbyist visual creator and i just want to listen to your comments and critiques to improve my skills.

Title: Coming up with Film Ideas
Description: The protagonist struggles to find new ideas for his short movie project, as he runs out of inspiration to find the script for his next short film.

This is an 8 hours project only, from writing the script to uploading the video. Shots of scenes taken really fast and editing were done in less than an hour, with no rehearsals or planning, just by having a simple script to follow.

I know that this is not the best way of making short films that will have the quality needed for youtube videos in 2017. But because I am in process of learning, I want to shoot as many videos I can every weekend.

Due to the fact that i am working for 50+ hours per week, I only have time on weekends to do my hobby "creating visual content" I try to be fast but also learning from my mistakes in the process of making the videos.

For this film, i used the Nikon d5100 with zenitar 16mm f2.8 lens and Sony action cam fdr-x1000v

Any comments and/or critiques are welcome.

 

[Farley Productions]

God that was pretty amazing if I say so myself. =]
I've been wanting to create more short films so I understand the struggle with coming up with ideas.
The music was wonderful, fit the mood rather well. I enjoyed the letterboxing a lot too. Something that I plan on implementing in my future work. And I also love all the shots. I'm guessing that never showing his face was intentional? I would've liked to see him at the end but at the same time it's not needed either.

The only thing I would add would've been a shot of the paper airplane flying across the room. Whether from left to right or from the back moving forward. Before it cuts back to his hands and him being antsy. Or have him also messing with a stress ball, yo yo, or even one of those spinners.

Other then that I think it's an amazing piece overall and that you have a ton of potential. =]
Keep up the good work bud! And be sure to post them here too cause I'm sure others will also love to see them.

 

[alwinred]

God that was pretty amazing if I say so myself. =]
I've been wanting to create more short films so I understand the struggle with coming up with ideas.
The music was wonderful, fit the mood rather well. I enjoyed the letterboxing a lot too. Something that I plan on implementing in my future work. And I also love all the shots. I'm guessing that never showing his face was intentional? I would've liked to see him at the end but at the same time it's not needed either.

The only thing I would add would've been a shot of the paper airplane flying across the room. Whether from left to right or from the back moving forward. Before it cuts back to his hands and him being antsy. Or have him also messing with a stress ball, yo yo, or even one of those spinners.

Other then that I think it's an amazing piece overall and that you have a ton of potential. =]
Keep up the good work bud! And be sure to post them here too cause I'm sure others will also love to see them.

Thank you for your comments, Farley.

Yes, i didn't show the face of the protagonist intentional because i wanted to transfer to the viewer his struggle without using words or facial expressions. Plus he was shy, haha haha!

You are right that there is one shot missing to show the paper falling to the floor after he throws the paper, or have a shot of the paper airplane.

Thats my mistake as i missed that part in my script so we didn't take that shot. Something else that i notice in the post is that when he reach to take the towel his hand is not wet.

It's good to find out and acknowledge your mistakes because you can learn from them and get better.

Again thank you for your feedback, Farley!