This is just this one man's opinions...
First thing. do you make your own beats man? It's nice and I'd say you got something there if you made it.
As for the rap, lyrically it's nice, but your flow needs to be worked on. What I mean by that, is right now it sounds like it's freshly memorized and you're still struggling to remember each line. Like it's being read. Which gives it a monotone sound to it. When you know your raps so well that even a person with a gun to your head couldn't make you forget, then your flow will naturally improve.
A good exercise is to rap your song to all kinds of beats, fast ones slow ones, bouncy beats, and reggae beats etc, and to also talk your rhymes out, like as if you were reading a poem, so that you can practice using different intonations.
Keep it up man, as the old saying goes, practice makes perfect.
