1st Time Making Music Video & Script

[AreYouAwareBro]

So, I just finished shooting a music video for a friend of mine who is a musician and I'm not particularly practiced in music videos or the writing of scripts for them, so if you could offer advice on either to improve I'd appreciate it greatly!

*SHOT OF JOHN SITTING ON COUCH WITH CONTROLLER IN HAND, JULIA BOLTS OUT OF THE HALLWAY, JOHN POPS UP OFF COUCH RUNNING TOWARDS*
*SHOT OF FRONT DOOR OUTSIDE, DOOR POPS OPEN, JULIA RUNNING OUT, JOHN CATCHES HER BAG, SHE DROPS IT, HE STOPS MOVING HOLDING BAG
JULIA CONTINUES RUNNING FORWARD TOWARDS/PAST CAMERA* *SHOOT SCENE CLOSE AS WELL AS FAR*
*SHOT FROM LEFT SIDE OF CAR, JOHN STANDING ON PORCH WITH BAG DEFOCUSED, JULIA OPENING DOOR AND SITTING DOWN IN FOCUS, DRIVING OFF*
 
 
 
*song starts*
 
Can use flashbacks as they are remembering each other.  She could be going through things in her 'room' looking at them, then it flashes to flashback
when that item was given to her/memorable to her (curt gives her necklace, jacket that he put on her when cold,
 
window scenes of curt singing w/o guitar looking out window, julialooking out window with a sad looking face wishing she could be with curt
 
Another scene of curt in room playing guitar and singing by himself. 
 
 
JULIA writing letter to parents, outlining reasons why she cant do this and has to go.  Juxtaposed with flashbacks scenes.  next time you see her writing, shes almost done with the letter.
AS shes finishing, camera changes to curt singing.  Next time you see her she begins the next scene, the packing clothes scene.
 
 
Towards end of video, slow motion scenes of JULIA throwing clothes/stuff into bag hurriedly, running towards door *parents start chasing her*, next angle is of the front door
she is running out of it while her dad is grabbing bag, she drops bag and leaves it while running over to car, angle in car shes puttin key in while parents on porch out of focus
with dads hands up looking p****d, she dont care dough, she drives off, end scene.
 
Scene of JULIA  driving hurriedly,

That's what I wrote for the script how do I make it more detailed and organized?

Here is the video:

 

[UltimateKirbyBoi]

using the lyrics as guidelines would help, because if this is a script that actors are gonna read, they might wanna know the song well and see how the video goes with it to act it out properly.

 

[skenkee]

this script is a bit confusing. It's the idea in your head written on paper.
What is the story you want to tell in the video. And what are the lyrics of the song?

 

[CaptainWongYZ]

using the lyrics as guidelines would help, because if this is a script that actors are gonna read, they might wanna know the song well and see how the video goes with it to act it out properly.

i agree with KirbyBoi. Putting the lyrics as cues would help a lot

 

[AreYouAwareBro]

I guess I should have said that this wasn't a printed out and handed to the actors script, I used this as a visual reference to see what I needed to shoot next and have the actors do. The lyrics in the script is a great idea although there is a small problem, until it is post I have no idea EXACTLY where each scene will take place in the song, although I guess I could solve that by being more meticulous.

Btw, I was curious for help but also I was given an extremely strict guideline and that's why my confusing script isn't more lengthy, I was proposed the idea on Friday and had to have it shot, edited, and posted by Wednesday, I was surprised by how well it went but I'm confident I could have done better.

Thanks for the posts guys!

 

[CaptainWongYZ]

I guess I should have said that this wasn't a printed out and handed to the actors script, I used this as a visual reference to see what I needed to shoot next and have the actors do. The lyrics in the script is a great idea although there is a small problem, until it is post I have no idea EXACTLY where each scene will take place in the song, although I guess I could solve that by being more meticulous.

Btw, I was curious for help but also I was given an extremely strict guideline and that's why my confusing script isn't more lengthy, I was proposed the idea on Friday and had to have it shot, edited, and posted by Wednesday, I was surprised by how well it went but I'm confident I could have done better.

Thanks for the posts guys!

your welcome and i love your music video! your friend's voice is amazing. keep it up!

 

[AreYouAwareBro]

your welcome and i love your music video! your friend's voice is amazing. keep it up!

Thank you! I'm hoping to shoot another next week

 

[dylanmanincfanatic]

As far as I am concerned, especially for a 1st time project, you nailed it. The video's subtle, which is great, because for me his voice carries everything and ties it all together. Some of those notes, omg.

I am not learned in the art of script writing, nor film production, so my thoughts would be all but useless in that arena.

But, as a music fan and music video viewer I was thoroughly engaged and entertained the whole 5 minutes.

If I had an editing idea, it would be this: It almost works better that the Xmas tree is bare in the shots of the guy playing guitar and singing. It adds to the moroseness of the song. However, visually it would be more engaging (and at one point in the video the tree is in fact decorated) if that tree were lit up and dressed?

Just my two cents, hope it's useful?

 

[AreYouAwareBro]

As far as I am concerned, especially for a 1st time project, you nailed it. The video's subtle, which is great, because for me his voice carries everything and ties it all together. Some of those notes, omg.

I am not learned in the art of script writing, nor film production, so my thoughts would be all but useless in that arena.

But, as a music fan and music video viewer I was thoroughly engaged and entertained the whole 5 minutes.

If I had an editing idea, it would be this: It almost works better that the Xmas tree is bare in the shots of the guy playing guitar and singing. It adds to the moroseness of the song. However, visually it would be more engaging (and at one point in the video the tree is in fact decorated) if that tree were lit up and dressed?

Just my two cents, hope it's useful?

Thanks a lot for your in depth review, you don't realize how much I appreciate it when people take the time to give me feedback like you have. I'm so stoked you said you could watch the whole 5 minutes without being tempted to leave or being bored, thats what I was hoping I could do with the storytelling and variety of angles.

Yes, that is a good idea and if I had more time I would have incorporated that into the video and idea although it was just rushed and the tree was undecorated when we shot that day then it was decorated when we came back and shot on teh second day of filming ha!

Thanks again man!

 

[dylanmanincfanatic]

Thanks a lot for your in depth review, you don't realize how much I appreciate it when people take the time to give me feedback like you have. I'm so stoked you said you could watch the whole 5 minutes without being tempted to leave or being bored, thats what I was hoping I could do with the storytelling and variety of angles.

Yes, that is a good idea and if I had more time I would have incorporated that into the video and idea although it was just rushed and the tree was undecorated when we shot that day then it was decorated when we came back and shot on teh second day of filming ha!

Thanks again man!

Yeah dude, quick thought too:

Blue lights on the tree, not festive, and blue is often associated with sadness? e.g., I'll have a Blue Christmas... The Blues =P[DOUBLEPOST=1355525767,1355525707][/DOUBLEPOST]

Yeah dude, quick thought too:

Blue lights on the tree, not festive, and blue is often associated with sadness? e.g., I'll have a Blue Christmas... The Blues =P

For a re-edit, if you have time. But again, nice rush job!